Already Dead

“We don’t need them on our streets”, “they don’t live by our rules”, “they’re not like us”

These are the sort of statements we hear (or read online) on a daily basis in Britain these days. Unnecessary hatred geared towards individuals who’s biggest crime is looking or acting different. Wether that’s the colour of your skin, the religion you practice or the people you are attracted to. Already Dead adds Zombies into the line of unwarranted hate.

In a world where the zombie outbreak has been contained by a medication that will suppress the appetite of the undead, zombies can just get on with the rest of their lives can’t they?

Meet George, a zombie in recovery. He has been one of the living dead for fifteen years, being bitten during the initial outbreak. Our documentary filmmakers are finding out what life is like for a being on ‘Zombenzine’. The performance given by Darren Ruston as ‘George’ is flawless. His delivery in ‘zomb-speak’ is highly comical and pure entertainment and by far the stand out performer in this short mockumentary.

What we see is that behind the upbeat positive mental attitude put forth by George, we have a man alienated from society, living in fear of being harassed and attacked in the street purely for an illness he cannot control. An illness he never asked for. It is in this parallel we can imagine what life must be like for those on the receiving end of bigotry, and after the jokes, we must look to ourselves to find the change needed in society.

Art is a powerful platform for addressing real life problems through different mediums. ‘Already Dead’ highlights these issues through a clever script and on point comical timing from all of the cast. This short film is only fifteen minutes long, but packs a strong message that everyone should hear, and on the surface, it is a hilariously told story full of wit and charm.

Michael James Dean (writer and director) has done a magnificent job with this short, and managed to elicit an actual laugh out loud moment from this writer who normally internalises his enjoyment while watching movies.

MJD said he did not initially set out to make a statement with this short. They say write about what you know and if you live in 2016, then you know unnecessary hatred of others is out there, but there are also plenty of selfless acts of kindness that go unreported out there too, and good always wins out.

Everarrrggh, sorry. Everyone shoarrgh….should see grah… Already argh Dead. What time is it? Damn, I’ve missed a dose of Zombenzine, Liam’s brains are looking mighty tasty…..aah….tasty…..brains…itchy…tasty.

Fun With Hackley : Axe Murderer

Are you stuck in a dead end job? Do you have insufferable middle managers making your life hell with paper work and red tape? Then the life of Hackley will seem all too familiar.

One time top of his game, Hackley is an axe murderer working for RKS, an office job for serial killers. Every kill must be documented. Quotas must be reached and weekly “status meetings” must be attended. Hackley was the leading killer in the 80s and 90s, but now, he struggles to make employee of the month, is out done by younger, scarier killers and finds himself questioning his whole existence.

Hackley, loosely based on Jason Voorhees, and his coworkers all have their origins in popular slasher and horror movies from Scream to Saw. A clever script sees references from your favourite films flipped to the PoV of the killer in a world where violence is more than random or revenge based, it’s monitored, documented, analysed and evaluated. It’s that world that has Hackley bored to death.

Horror movie clichés are exposed in this movie, cleverly bringing to light the questions and problems often noted in slasher films by fans in a sympathetic way rather than by criticising the genre. The film makers are clearly fans themselves.

Fun with Hackley is certainly more comedy than slasher, and while there are many kills throughout the movie, they tend to be just off screen and implied. Perhaps this was done to keep comedy the main theme, however some gory practical effects and a few more on screen kills would have increased the overall enjoyment. At least from this slasher fans perspective.

Allen Hackley turns in a fantastic performance in the lead role but it is his European sidekick, played by Garrett Graham that steals the show. Rancid, perhaps based on Dr. Heiter (Human Centipede) or the kind of sick rich business man who would join the Elite Hunting Club (Hostel) delivers his lines with fantastic comedic timing and truly nails the character.

Drinking games could be played to Fun With Hackley. Drink for every horror reference or cliché. Never have I seen so many topical references in a piece of work, and I’ve seen Spaced.

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, it is well directed and the pacing is well managed building up to its chaotic conclusion, which if you are playing the drinking game then I fear for your hangover. It packs so much wit into its 90 minute run time I could continue to write for days and I haven’t even mentioned the amazing rap yet, but for some reason, I have an urge to go get tacos.

I guarantee you will have Fun With Hackley.

****

Scott & Liam

Pieces

When a loved one dies, it’s hard to pick up the pieces. In Isabella’s case, she should leave them where they are.

The short film from Cappuccino Films, written and directed by Dan Sunley and starring Kristy Guest, centres around a girl named Isabella, who is tasked with clearing up her recently deceased grandmother’s house because her parents refuse to stay and help. While tidying the house, Isabella finds a jigsaw piece alongside a note saying, “finish it”.

The beauty of short films is they do not have to explain or answer any questions they ask. There is not enough time for back story or character development. This story is happening simply because it is, so get ready for the scares.

I watched this movie at night, alone, with headphones in, and that is the best way to get the most from Pieces. The sound production is top quality and you are aware of every noise from that house, not to mention the score works really well to build the tension. There are several elements recognisable from the horror genre here. The haunted house, the home invasion and paranormal happenings all flowing the story toward the satisfying conclusion.

The bulk of the movie is centred around the star alone in the house. Kristy Guest does a fantastic job of displaying the different emotions that arise through this journey. A difficult task for an actor when there is very little dialogue to rely on, but one in which is completed to a very believable standard.

The best scares in this work come in the middle and are so effective in raising the blood pressure and bringing the goose bumps, they do take away from the final reveal, which is good but not frightening. However this is not a bad criticism, rather a wish to see more. What we have in Pieces is a clever blend of creepy, atmospheric and terrifying, mixed together to create a delicious free sample. There is a feature length story to be explored here and I for one am sold.

I am ready to buy a piece of this puzzle.

Knock Knock

Knock knock. Who’s there? Another mediocre effort from Eli Roth.

Home invasion horrors should insight terror that grips at your very being. Your safe haven, your fortress, your happy place, where all the evil in the world can be locked out with the turning of a key. That place is violated. All of your possessions are up for grabs, your vinyl collection, your family photographs, your sweet action figures which are all NRFB (never removed from box). Your memories are for the taking.

This idea gives me anxiety just thinking about it, so a movie of this unthinkable, but completely possible event should have the viewer squirming in their seat praying for an end to the nightmare, yes?

Sadly with Knock Knock you are left angry that this whole scenario plays out without so much as a reason let alone a satisfying climax.

Roth suggests that all men will cheat on their partners, ruin their lives and mess up their children psychologically. All it would take would be for two naked women in their twenties to throw themselves at him. There are 3 billion men in the world, we can’t all be the same?

The portrayal of the women in question foray around in all manner of different psyches. Whether this is intentional still remains to be seen. At times they are menacing and psychotic, but for the most part they just appear to be annoying and spoiled. There is no clear motive for the actions in Knock Knock. We can’t fear these girls for the simple reason, at times during the movie, they don’t appear to be in control.
I’ll tell you what else is out of control, Keanu Reeves. I’m a fan, but what is going on with his delivery, is this a comedy?

Some dialogue suggests a more in depth reasoning for the girls behaviour, and there are some scenes I can only assume are supposed to “shock” and “reveal the story”, but ultimately afterwards I found myself asking, “why?”.

When home invasion movies such as Michael Haneke’s 1997 “Funny Games”, and even his own 2007 Americanised remake exist, Knock Knock has a high bar to reach. Knock Knock came nowhere close.

Perhaps I was expecting too much. Perhaps my lack of enthusiasm of this movie says more about my desire to see more pain and suffering on the screen than it does about Eli Roth’s filmmaking. The lead character does go through a pretty traumatic event that will change his whole life. Standing in Evan’s (Reeves) shoes, this movie is no joke and a far cry from the empty* he thought he was getting.

*empty – Scottish for having the house to yourself and engaging in “super secret parties”

Where is the “Cabin Fever” and “Hostel” Eli that we all loved?

 

 

FEAR The Walking Dead

Eenie meenie miney mo, who did Negan choose to go?

Well, we have to wait six months to find out. No time to catch our breath, FEAR The Walking Dead is here to throw us right back into the action. Ah no, we’re actually going for a calming cruise instead.

AMC should expect viewers to be a little disappointed with the opening episode of FEAR after the season 6 finale of the established Walking Dead tv show. This episode drifts along at a leisurely pace, creating script driven character development, rather than rip roaring action and inventive undead destruction, although props are given for the Kirsty MacColl walker kill.

Our characters have only left modern society behind for a mater of hours and are still struggling with the idea of the apocalypse. We viewers have been watching a variation of this world for the last six years and it’s difficult to understand the motives when it isn’t to instinctually “fear” the living and JSS (just survive somehow).

Set pieces and visuals in the opening episode are stunning and there’s no time wasting in the collapse of the world. LA is already burning! There are hints of The Walking Dead world we know and love, but we’re going to need to be patient and wait for the show to catch up to us. FEAR has to step up its game throughout its full length second season if it wishes to gain the accolades of “the most watched tv show” like its bigger, better, more attractive and intelligent brother.

Despite all this, I’ll still watch religiously. I’m all about a post apocalyptic world! Let’s prep.

Manson Family Vacation

If you listen to our podcast, which you should as we have been told by iTunes that we’re noteworthy…just saying…then you’ll have heard us talking about “Bad Milo”, a fun horror comedy from The Duplass Brothers. Well the guys have hit it out of the park again with their new-to-Netflix movie “Manson Family Vacation” directed by first timer J. Davis.

Nick Morgan (Jay Duplass) is a successful lawyer living the average American life with his wife and sociopathic child. His average life quickly descends into chaos when his quirky, off-beat, waster brother Conrad (Linas Phillips) turns up on a surprise visit. Having never really seen eye to eye (especially after the funeral of their late father), Nick seizes the opportunity for some brotherly bonding and reluctantly joins Conrad on his planned trip around the LA sites made infamous by Charles Manson and his “family.”

Jay Duplass and Linas Phillips are brilliant in their co-lead roles as two brothers who are on opposite ends of the success spectrum. Duplass plays the uptight, boring middle aged lawyer with unwitting ease and manages to provoke both empathy and disdain from the audience in equal volumes. Phillips is tremendous in his role as the off-beat waster with the Charles Manson obsession, providing consistent comic relief as the Ying to Duplass’ Yang.

The film is paced nicely and really picks up the tension towards the end where Conrad finally gets closer to his goal of meeting Manson himself. An interesting cameo from Tobin Bell is the creepy cherry on top of the well crafted Manson Family Vacation cast cake. The bonding scenes between the brothers have great depth and both characters show great emotional growth throughout the entire film, convincingly bringing the viewer along for the ride.

Since there always has to be a negative, albeit slight. The site of the Sharon Tate murder was 10050 Cielo Drive. It was renamed 10066 Cielo Drive after it was torn down and replaced with a new mansion in the mid 90s. In the film, however, the house number appears to be 5257 (or something similar) which is a little foible that takes absolutely nothing away from the film and was only apparent as I read Helter Skelter (by Vincent Bugliosi) many years ago and had a slight Manson obsession when I was a moody teenager. Luckily I grew out of that phase…and I’m now just a moody twenty something.

Whether you like it or not, the Charles Manson story has always been a great source of intrigue and having it intertwine with the typical story of brotherly warfare really gives the film it’s charm. The script is sharp and witty and at no point does it feel that it’s missed the mark. Heartwarming at times and intense at others, Manson Family Vacation is certainly worth a watch if you’re scrolling through Netflix at a total loss.

Conjoined

Love hurts, literally, in this fun horror rom com from Joe Grisaffi. The story follows Stanley (Tom Long), a lonely thirty something, as he finds the love of his life on an online dating site. Alina (Michelle Ellen Jones) is a cute wholesome blonde and Stanley really thinks he’s hit the jackpot, however he gets a little more than he bargained for when they finally meet and it’s revealed that Alina has a siamese twin sister, Alisa (Keefer Brown) who, it turns out, has an insatiable thirst for alcohol…and blood.

Conjoined trundles along at an entertaining pace, with a tight script and convincing acting from Tom Long in the lead role. The little to no budget is apparent in the dodgy sets (the walls of Tom’s house are most definitely not conjoined) and the lack of strong practical effects for the murder scenes. The first murder has a little head smashing scene and, after recently watching Joe Begos’ “The Mind’s Eye” and 80s cheese turned porn director Jim Wynorski’s “Chopping Mall”, the scene falls a little flat in giving the head explosions we have come to expect.

For every little negative that you can find in Conjoined, it hits back with a strong positive, especially in the dead pan line delivery of Stanley’s co-worker Jerry (Jake Byrd). At one point, he talks of his “beer koozie that you can fuck” which provided a genuine laugh out loud moment (not to mention an ingenious invention that someone really should think about putting into production. Don’t pretend like you wouldn’t find it useful!).

The use of classical music throughout the scenes which take place in Stanley’s humble, weak walled abode, create an effective contrast to the unfolding events. When Alisa starts to let her homicidal side show, shit starts to hit the fan amidst the calming melody of Mozart’s Piano Sonata No. 11. By continuing this theme throughout the entire film, Joe Grisaffi reminds the viewer just how far Stanley’s character has developed since the beginning, when he was just a lonely, awkward guy spending all his time paying a web-cam girl, Courtney (Deidre Stephens), to listen to his woes and provide love advice. One major question though, when Courtney and Alisa are getting their freak on (two thumbs up!) Courtney’s ass tattoo is hidden by a crudely placed US flag. WHAT IS IT HIDING?! These are the questions that keep people up at night, Joe!

Conjoined was a truly enjoyable indie romp and if Joe Grisaffi was given a large sum of money, the magic he could create would definitely be something worth seeing! If you can get your hands on the movie, then make sure to check it out. You won’t be disappointed.

(You can check out all things Conjoined on Twitter @ConjoinedMovie)