Love hurts, literally, in this fun horror rom com from Joe Grisaffi. The story follows Stanley (Tom Long), a lonely thirty something, as he finds the love of his life on an online dating site. Alina (Michelle Ellen Jones) is a cute wholesome blonde and Stanley really thinks he’s hit the jackpot, however he gets a little more than he bargained for when they finally meet and it’s revealed that Alina has a siamese twin sister, Alisa (Keefer Brown) who, it turns out, has an insatiable thirst for alcohol…and blood.
Conjoined trundles along at an entertaining pace, with a tight script and convincing acting from Tom Long in the lead role. The little to no budget is apparent in the dodgy sets (the walls of Tom’s house are most definitely not conjoined) and the lack of strong practical effects for the murder scenes. The first murder has a little head smashing scene and, after recently watching Joe Begos’ “The Mind’s Eye” and 80s cheese turned porn director Jim Wynorski’s “Chopping Mall”, the scene falls a little flat in giving the head explosions we have come to expect.
For every little negative that you can find in Conjoined, it hits back with a strong positive, especially in the dead pan line delivery of Stanley’s co-worker Jerry (Jake Byrd). At one point, he talks of his “beer koozie that you can fuck” which provided a genuine laugh out loud moment (not to mention an ingenious invention that someone really should think about putting into production. Don’t pretend like you wouldn’t find it useful!).
The use of classical music throughout the scenes which take place in Stanley’s humble, weak walled abode, create an effective contrast to the unfolding events. When Alisa starts to let her homicidal side show, shit starts to hit the fan amidst the calming melody of Mozart’s Piano Sonata No. 11. By continuing this theme throughout the entire film, Joe Grisaffi reminds the viewer just how far Stanley’s character has developed since the beginning, when he was just a lonely, awkward guy spending all his time paying a web-cam girl, Courtney (Deidre Stephens), to listen to his woes and provide love advice. One major question though, when Courtney and Alisa are getting their freak on (two thumbs up!) Courtney’s ass tattoo is hidden by a crudely placed US flag. WHAT IS IT HIDING?! These are the questions that keep people up at night, Joe!
Conjoined was a truly enjoyable indie romp and if Joe Grisaffi was given a large sum of money, the magic he could create would definitely be something worth seeing! If you can get your hands on the movie, then make sure to check it out. You won’t be disappointed.
(You can check out all things Conjoined on Twitter @ConjoinedMovie)